Embracing My Ethnic Features

I hit puberty at a very young age— I was in the 5th grade. Being a multiracial girl with an older-looking body in a predominantly white school was a constant challenge. I was insecure about myself; I let others judge me; I hated the way I looked. I always thought about my curly hair and yearned for it to be straight. I hated how my thighs were thick, I hated my height, my eyebrows — the list goes on. I honestly just wanted to look like the ideal “pretty girl”, a concept that was ingrained in me from the time I could understand the word “pretty.”

In middle school, people would call me names and spread rumors involving my appearance. These things were mostly said by boys, which (back then) hurt me even more. My self-esteem was so low and their words brought this feeling of sadness about my body that I still carry with me to this day. Thankfully, when I got to high school there were girls that looked like me, I finally started accepting myself little by little. Looking back on this, I let so many boys damage my self-esteem that I obtained trust issues and still have really negative thoughts about my body.  

In today’s society, most boys only see “having nice breasts and big butts” as the most intriguing features of a woman; I was oblivious of what boys really wanted with me so I was constantly getting hurt and used. All throughout my childhood I never knew my worth due to the early loss of confidence in my body. Those feelings and thoughts are in the past for me. Time and experience have helped me realize the importance of accepting the way I look and loving my beautiful, ethnic features. I’m currently focussing on trying to love and find myself; it’s a really hard process, but good things come at the end of every dark tunnel.