Not letting that old man break my self-esteem
My body image has been a messy subject for most of my life. I didn’t begin to view myself and my body in a negative way until I was about ten years old, which ended up getting worse through middle school as checking Instagram became part of my daily routine. I began to learn through social media platforms that only a certain type of appearance was desired- a slim waist and big thighs, or something of the sort. I definitely internalized this expectation on girls, and all I saw in the mirror were my “flaws” that didn’t fit into that image. It’s so funny to look back at middle school and think about the group of girls who called me a “ugly and sick giraffe” behind my back. I let their words get to me, and to this day I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it didn’t matter, and what they said probably came from a place of insecurity- which many pre-teens feel. However, all throughout my early childhood years I wondered why “skinning shaming” a person wasn’t as bad as “fat-shaming” someone. If all of these societal figures claimed to love all body types, why was telling someone they are too skinny not the same as telling someone they were too fat?
My rationale was that all people and bodies are the way they are, and that’s that; what purpose does commenting or shaming someone’s appearance do? When adults who barely knew me would explicitly laugh and say I looked like a “skeleton ready to be blown away”, (as a ten year old) I felt disheartened. (Looking back on this, I’m certain some of the people who would comment on my body had personal vendettas against me, although I was only ten- that didn’t seem to stop them.) I haven’t forgotten their words and there’s still a part of me that reminds myself of these “flaws” daily. I felt so alone in thinking there was something wrong with me, and nothing I ever did would be enough.
I was lacking something crucial to overcoming that voice in my head that nagged me on the daily: self-love. I know it sounds cliche, but trust me on this. I never believed in those Pinterest-like quotes talking about “loving yourself” and “overcoming obstacles”; but I have to admit there can be some truth in them. Self-love needs to come from a place of safety, where comparison and outside opinions are dead. Your body should be a retreat from the nasty things going on in this world, and one way you can do that is by giving yourself patience and love. All of this might sound really fake and cliche, but when you give yourself time to reflect on negative thoughts and emotions about your image, you can ask yourself why you feel that way, and learn from how your thought process works (and acknowledge your negative emotions in a safe setting).
The journey is different for everyone; believe me, I’m a far way from the point of completely loving my body and not comparing myself to others, yet I have made immeasurable progress from a few years ago! All you can hope and work for is improvement, and when you make progress you should consider yourself successful. Just know you aren’t alone in experiencing that icky feeling of self-doubt and even self-loathing, but things will get better as you learn more about the world and give yourself time to improve. I want to end with a reminder that overcoming thoughts and barriers surrounding your body image comes from your own validation and efforts, compliments from others will only go so far. On that note, it's almost impossible to stop all the people who make degrading comments on your body (to your face or behind your back), but proving to yourself that you are loved (throughout and within) will make dealing with those things a piece of cake.